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Freedom

I believe in a God of second chances... not only second chances, but an infinite amount of chances. I believe that no matter what you or I have done, no matter how sick, twisted, or ugly it is, that God's grace is big enough to cover it. I believe that no matter how high I've been, how many people I've slept with, how many times I've driven drunk, how many times I've lied my parents, how many times I've led worship while living a double life, how many times I've thought about killing myself, how many times I've cut myself, how many times I've made myself throw up, how many times I've blah blah blahhhed... GOD STILL HAS A PLAN AND PURPOSE FOR MY LIFE AND WANTS TO USE ALL OF MY "MESS" FOR HIS GLORY! If we were perfect people, we would have no need for a savior. God knew we would mess up. Before we were ever born, he intimately knew us. He knew everything we would ever do- the good, bad, and the ugly. He knew I would turn my back and run from him. He knew. And yet, he still gave all of himself and suffered through a horrendous death, just so that I could live. And not just "live" as in inhaling and exhaling, but REALLY LIVE. He carried the weight of all the world's sin, so that I could be filled with the Holy Spirit... so that I could know a freedom like no other... so that I could forever be connected to his Father... so that I didn't have to work for my salvation... so that I could know what true love really is. Think about your darkest moment, the time when your heart felt the heaviest it ever has before. Now times that feeling by infinity. The weight of that still doesn't even compare to what Jesus felt while he was hanging on the cross, body torn to shreds, waiting to die. He felt that feeling so we didn't have to. He took our place. Our, the people that he knew would betray him and live sinful, ugly lives... OUR place. It doesn't make any sense. We'll never be able to truly wrap our heads around the magnitude of his grace and what he's done for us. But the fact is, Jesus died so that we may know the truth and be set free. No matter how many times or how bad you messed up today, God's grace is enough to cover it - no if, and's, or but's about it. It's time to stop wallowing in our guilt and shame, RISE UP, and live in the FREEDOM that Jesus paid the ultimate price for us to have.

Stuck

I haven't updated this thing in a while so I figured I would try to put something together. I really don't know what to say or where to start. The last month has been all over the place for me. I feel like I'm stuck in a lot of ways. If I'm being 100% honest, I've really just wanted to get the hell out of here. I want to leave Charleston, move to NYC, and start all over. New life, new friends, new school, new job. New everything. It's not that life here is bad... I don't really know what it is. I just have this urge to leave. I feel like I don't "fit" anywhere anymore. I've prayed about it, but haven't gotten any clear direction on what to do yet. It's frustrating because it's like I'm tied down here and couldn't leave even if I wanted to. I have a one-year lease on my apartment, classes I've already paid for, a mom who would cry for days if I moved, etc. I just feel stuck. I need something new.

I know that God knows what I need. He knows even more about what I need than I do. Through this season of my life, I have no other option than to trust that God has a plan for me and that it's all going to work out... even though I don't see it and don't believe it at times. His plan is greater, his ways are higher.

I've found a lot of comfort in this song the past week...




Jesus, the most beautiful name of all names
Jesus, the only name that brings healing and strength

When I speak Your name, mountains move, chains are loosed
When I speak Your name, darkness flees, it has no hold on me

Jesus, the most beautiful name that I know
You're the exalted One
Jesus, You have the power alone
You lift the lonely ones, Jesus

Jesus, the most wonderful name of all names
Jesus, the only name that brings freedom and hope

When I speak Your name, mountains move, chains are loosed
When I speak Your name, darkness flees, it has no hold on me

Jesus, the most beautiful name that I know
You're the exalted One
Jesus, You have the power alone
You lift the lonely ones, Jesus

Be exalted, be exalted, be exalted higher and higher

with everything

love this video. love hillsong nyc. love jesus.

With Everything :: Hillsong NYC Creative Night (Full Version) from HillsongNYC on Vimeo.

Breakdown to Breakthrough

Last night I had a major breakdown which led to a major breakthrough.

The last two weeks I've had to make myself vulnerable, which I hate, in order to start working through some things, and ultimately start healing. It's been extremely hard, uncomfortable, and emotionally draining. Yesterday it was all really starting to get to me. On top of that, some other things were happening, and I was starting to feel insecure and down on myself.

Last night I was supposed to have some friends come over around 10:30. Being around my friends usually cheers me up and gets me in a better mood, but it was like I was too tired and depressed to even want to be cheered up. I know that sounds dramatic and ridiculous, but it is what it is lol... I ended up canceling on them, and just sat in my room and sulked.

That was the WRONG thing to do. I started heading south extremely quick and was on the verge of doing something really stupid.

In the midst of my sulking, I realized that I had two choices.

#1 - I could continue to sulk and dwell on everything that's going wrong in my life, get to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, ignore God, and act out in a dumb way in which I would later regret. Or,

#2 - Go to God with everything.

Luckily, I chose #2. It took me a while to finally give in, but I'm so glad that I did. Why is it that during the times we know we need God the most, a lot of us will try to resist Him? Maybe it's just me, I don't know. It's like I get comfortable in my pity party and don't want to leave... pretty ridiculous. But I tell you what, once I gave in to Him, I was overcome by a peace greater than anything I can really explain. I knew right then that everything was going to be okay.

He opened my eyes and shifted my focus from everything that's "going wrong" to everything that's going RIGHT. And it turns out, I have a lot more going "right" in my life than I thought. I am EXTREMELY blessed. I AM growing leaps in bounds, I've come out of a disaster situation, and I AM going to make it. God's favor is SO evident in my life. Instead of only seeing the bad in my situation, I was finally able to see it from God's perspective, which was so refreshing. My tears turned from sad tears, to happy tears, and I was able to just rest in Him.

I know it's cliche to say, "run to God, give it God," blah blah blah, but really, when you run to God, He will never let you down. He'll meet you exactly where you are. Even if you're at your lowest point. It just takes one step towards Him, and He'll be there. People will always let you down, but He never ever, ever, ever will. I don't know about you, but I find that so comforting.

Really Real

God is seriously ripping my heart apart in the best way possible and building it back up to be way better than it was before. I really don't know any other way to describe it. It's hard to put into words what is going on in my heart.

I've grown up in the church my whole life, but I can honestly say that I have NEVER experienced anything like this before. It's like my entire being is just being broken all apart. My old mindset is being shattered, my old habits are being broken, the way I talk is changing... everything is going haywire, and I still have such a long way to go to get to where I need to be. But at the same time, I feel a peace that I've never known before. It's the craziest/coolest/realest thing ever.

When I finally decided to get really real with God, like REALLY REAL, not just my regular half-hearted "real"... he showed up. He's changing my whole life.

He's showing me who he really is. He's making himself known to me in a whole new way. I always thought I knew who God was... I was so far off. He's so much more than what we think. He's so much greater than what we think. We're not even close to being capable of grasping him in his entire glory.

It really just blows me away.

wisdom tweets

@shininfame - Every right decision u make helps reverse the results of the wrong decisions u made in the past!!! #joyceMeyer WOW WOW WOW

@AndyMineo - When the Lord reveals a truth to u that u need 2 respond to, do not wait, respond immediately. Make the time to live out obedience.

@katehodz - well it's obvious the devil hates God's chosen children #pushthruwarriors

@PaulTripp - True worship isn't best shown by the comfortable corporate confessions on Sunday, but by your choices of submission Monday through Saturday.

@HenriNouwen - This brief lifetime is my opportunity to receive love, deepen love, grow in love, and give love.

@hookersforjesus - So easy 2 love those who are our friends, family & who help us. But 2 love, pray for & bless our enemies-Jesus commands it! Can you do it?

@hookersforjesus - God doesn't always call those who have clean pasts. He often calls those who have experienced darkness & know how to lead others OUT

@louiegiglio - Crazy thought: NOTHING can stop you from walking with the Creator of the world (Jesus) all through this day...but you.

@JarridWilson - The right time to do the right thing is right now.

@jaydeaduncan - Waiting - when you want to run - is one of the greatest demonstrations of trust. #youngleaders

@Dammit_Caitlyn - If you decide to look for the beauty in people when you meet them, you'll find it.

@SaCaufield - Our past may explain why were suffering but we must not use it as an excuse to stay in bondage! #joycemeyer #battlefieldofthemind

@CraigMosgrove - I don't care what others have told you. Jesus has no desire to IMPROVE you; He desires to TRANSFORM you! #selfhelpisdeception

@DaveRamsey - One definition of maturity, the ability to delay pleasure.

@PerryNoble - Question, if you "can't do it" then why does God keep bringing it to mind? Philippians 1:6

@MatthewBarnett - When the intensity to want to quit seems so unbearable...the blessing of taking one more step leads to the unbelievable.

@JeremyIDR - “Did God actually say" - Satan

@shininfame - A good friend leads you closer to God. A dangerous friend leads you away from God.

@Dalisha_Turner - If you're hitting a wall keep pressing forward! There is a whole generation waiting on your breakthrough for them to receive theirs #believe

@Jentezen - Let the old bad memory's die. Your future is greater than your past!

@MatthewBarnett - Don't judge people in addictions....be the key of encouragement that helps them spring forth from the trap they hate.

@dannychambers - The voices you listen to are a preview of the future you.

@MatthewBarnett - Never let the devil tell you that your day by day victories are small compared to your past...THEY ARE HUGE.

and my personal favorite...

@darrinpatrick - Say no to crocs